correction of an 750 words essay easy job

Correct the first file essay by the following requirements. the second file is the tutor’s suggestions. Make sure you correct all of them. and TOEFL IS NOT GET THE GRADE AT THE FIRST TIME. The whole essay should focus on how I overcome the nervous.( which means more psycho description and change the introduction and conclusion, and the other part(like 4th paragraph) that need to be changed)

Requirements:

1.6 Essay #1: Personal Narrative Grading Rubric

Directions

Please read over this rubric. This is how I will be grading your first essay.

A

Excellent

B

Good

C

Adequate

D/F

Needs Work

Assignment

Essay is on-topic and excellently fulfills all directives (i.e., minimum number of quotes, etc.)

Essay is on-topic and fulfills most of the directives (i.e., minimum number of quotes, etc.) OR does a good job of meeting the directives.

Essay is on-topic but fails to fulfill some of the directives (i.e., minimum number of quotes, etc.) OR only adequatelymeets the directives.

Essay is off-topic and/or fails to fulfill the directives (i.e., minimum number of quotes, etc.).

Focus

Subject and unifying event clear and maintained

Theme/unifying theme explicitly stated

Event is excellently focused to one moment, no longer than one day.

Has effective closing

Subject and unifying event somewhat clear and maintained

Theme/unifying theme is stated but may need to be more explicit.

Event is somewhat focused to one moment, but may go beyond one day.

Has a closing

Subject/topic clear; theme/unifying event may not

Reader is must infer theme/unifying event because it is not immediately clear.

Lacks sufficiency to demonstrate a developed focus on one moment, goes beyond one day.

Abrupt closing

Subject and issue unclear, limited or confusing

Insufficient writing to show criteria are met

Lacks focus; event is not limited to one moment or day; rambling, unfocused.

Abrupt or not closing

Elaboration (Details and Explanation/ Analysis)

Excellently integrated elaborations (details) in the form of:

Elaborations well illustrate and add to the narrative

Excellently shows rather than tells the story.

Excellent development / explanation of depth (ie why the moment is defining)the moment is defining)

Nicely Integrates elaborations (details) in the form of some of the below, but could use more:

Elaborations nicely illustrate some of the narrative but could use more details.

Writer shows the story but needs less “telling” language.

Good development / explanation of depth (ie why the moment is defining). Could use more.

Mostly general or underdeveloped elaborations (details).

May have some details (adjectives and adverbs, sensory language, or dialogue), but needs many more to advance the story.

Contains more telling rather than showing language.

Adequate or minimal development / explanation of depth (ie why the moment is defining). Needs more.

Elaboration is absent, confusing, or repetitive

Insufficient writing to show that criteria are met

Narrative tells and does not show.

Little to no development / explanation of depth (ie why the moment is defining). Does not meet the assignment.

Organization

Narrative structure clear-sequence of episodes moves logically through time without noticeable gaps

Episodes appropriately paragraphed •Coherence and cohesion demonstrated through some appropriate use of devices (transitions, pronouns, causal linkage, etc.)

Narrative structure is noticeable, but the reader may have to infer it-sequence of episodes moves logically through time with some gaps

Some appropriate paragraphing

Evidence of coherence may depend on sequence

Most transitions are appropriate

Structure is attempted, but reader may still have to infer

Lacks appropriate narrative structure (off-mode)

May have a major lapse or inappropriate transitions that disrupt progression of events

May have little evidence of appropriate paragraphing

Limited structure within paragraphs (e.g., lacks purposeful ordering of sentences)

Lacks sufficiency to demonstrate developed organization

Very confusing/little or no attempt at structure

Insufficient writing to meet criteria

Sentence Structure

Is free from errors in grammar, usage, and mechanics. Has an effective, fluent style marked by syntactic variety and a clear command of language.

May have a few errors, but generally demonstrates control of grammar, usage, and mechanics. Displays some syntactic variety and facility in the use of language.

Has an accumulation of errors in grammar, usage, and mechanics that sometimes interfere with meaning. Demonstrates adequate use of syntax and language.

Has serious, frequent errors in grammar, usage and spelling that interfere with meaning. Has limited control of syntax and vocabulary.

MLA Formatting

Smoothly integrates relevant sources and quotes to substantiate claims, consistently using MLA format.

Integrates relevant sources and quotes to substantiate claims, using MLA format with occasional lapses in usage.

Inconsistently integrates relevant sources and quotes to substantiate claims, and demonstrates an inconsistent use of MLA format.

Neglects relevant sources and/ or improperly cites sources according to MLA format.

Help me get an A. Thanks!

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